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food + fears + dinner divas + everything else

food + fears + dinner divas + everything else

On Saturday, 27 October you will see me in action on Dinner Divas, SABC 2 or for those with Dstv Channel 192 @ 8.30am.

I was as nervous as hell at the prospect of exposing myself to the whole of South Africa.  Nervous of the cameras – don’t we all hate seeing ourselves packing on another 5 kilos when we are already overweight?  Seeing every imperfection of ourselves on these modern day large format TV screens?  What would my first school boyfriend (Hennie Theron)  think seeing what I look like now? How would I measure up to the extreme and grueling challenges of breakfast TV? Would I be able to show my abilities and keep my nerve on camera, focus on thinking clearly and not strike a blank – well, let’s be honest here….not to make my name ass? And what about the thing we all don’t want to hear – criticism – to be criticised by amazing chefs and food people for something you love to do – for something you think you are good at?

Gathering the courage to enter Dinner Divas took a lot of guts as I had to overcome so many of my own personal fears. Before I entered, I had all these negatives in my head – I did not want to do it because I did not want to feel hurt or feel exposed… yet  I decided to face my fears  with the support of my biggest fan, my amazing husband Rick.

The great thing was that I could take my blog with me – I was not alone. I am so proud of this little blog of mine – lifeisazoobiscuit.  It brought me out of a deep depression and I wanted to see how much further this blog could lead me in life.

Can you actually believe that this blog took me out of the depths of depression?  Throughout my whole life I had been searching for that “thing” that would make me happy – I have always been fortunate enough to have been  successful in my career but there was still this thing – I wasn’t ever happy with myself, with me  who I was and who I am and all that I had achieved so far – something was missing.  To counter all these negativities I would eat and then I would gain weight … go on diet … and then the whole vicious cycle would begin again.  You see I love food but then again I   hate it as well – it is my passion and my poison.  But through it all and more than anything I wanted to prove myself to my mom, my brothers, my family, my friends how good I was with food, thinking about food, working with food,  for putting flavours together and everything else.    I tried to start a restaurant, I did my own deli range at the local markets … but at the end it all just faded away again …

But then earlier this year, again in the midst of a very deep and lonely depression I started eating (againJ) zoo biscuits … a week later on 12th April 2012 still eating zoo biscuits I woke up and decided I needed to write about food … and the blog lifeisazoobiscuit was born. Well, since then nothing has been the same.

lifeisazoobiscuit gave me the chance to appear on Dinner Divas and I recall that I did not sleep the night before we started the first shoot. When I arrived on set for make-up, the producer of the show Anne Myers  just looked at me once and said “on the coach lady, legs up under the cushions, and bring the tea bags”. I realised then and there that I was in good hands and although nervous and insecure as all hell, I knew it was going to be one of the most exhilarating days of my life. 20 minutes later I met Barry. How on earth was I going to compete against this big huggy bear of a man?

Watch me this Saturday on SABC 2 overcoming my fears + making very good friends with one of the most amazing men I know!

Carpe Diem.